Today something is weighing heavily on my mind. I don't have any cute pictures of Charlotte to share, and the topic of this post will be pretty somber. Mostly it will be for myself as a way to put my feelings into words as I know I don't really have that many readers anyway.
On Sunday a small community, much like the one in which I grew up, was rocked when one of its beloved daughters took her own life. Although I did not know her well, she is someone I will always remember from my high school years as beautiful, friendly and outgoing. A mutual friend described her on Facebook as someone whose smile could light up the darkest of rooms, and this one quote has affected me profoundly. What a true statement it was. This girl had a mega-watt smile that lit up her whole face.
Which leads me to the question: what do our smiles hide? We have been taught as a society to "grin and bear it," but are there times when our smiles hide pain that we would be better off sharing with others? Do I have friends that are hiding pain, sadness, and difficulties behind brave smiles? Am I missing the signs of a friend in need? Perhaps, I am not. I really hope I am not, but sometimes you just never know. Am I being a good friend to those I love most? Over the past several days I have examined this question in my life, and I've come to the conclusion that I am probably not being the best friend I can be. Often, I am so consumed with my own busy life and raising my child while working full-time and keeping house that I don't think to pick up the phone and call my friends just to say hello and ask how they are doing. Another reason in addition to being busy is my dislike of the phone. Why call when you can send a text or email is my motto. But, I realize that I can't tell what my friend sounds like when I send a text or an email. However, if I would just pick up the phone and call, I might hear a sadness in a voice or someone might reveal to me something that they would not over a text message. I've come to realize that I need to reach out more. I never want to experience the feelings that the small community near me are feeling...the pain of losing a friend and all that comes along with it...regret, sadness, uncertainty.
And, as is the case in situations such as this, I'm sure there are those that are questioning if they could have done more? Seen any warning signs or picked up on anything that might have led them to reach out to this woman who was obviously struggling with something pretty profound. Maybe it would not have helped, but maybe it would have. I am certainly not placing any blame on anyone. I am simply putting the feelings that have been running through my head out in the open. This post will be a reminder to myself to reach out more to those I love so they know I care instead of me just assuming.
As a community prepares to lay to rest a member of its family this afternoon, I ask that everyone take a look at your friendships and think about what more you could be doing. Maybe you're doing it all perfectly, but chances are, you are like me...busy, weighted down with the world and everything that consumes our time...and need a reminder. Friendships are important, and we must cherish them always and protect those we love when we can.
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